If this person ever really was your friend, be honest with what you’re feeling. This isn’t going to be easy but out of respect you owe it to the friendship you shared to say how you’re feeling. This is important, because your friendship may be worth saving. But if you clam everything up and don’t let your friend know what’s wrong, how can you resolve whatever problems you’re having?
Start off by letting them know that you’re concerned, or hurt, or didn’t like it when they did something. If you’re thinking of ending your friendship for this reason, be prepared to hear their side of things and keep a cool head. Don’t start this conversation when you have to leave in 5 minutes or you’re starving-it won’t turn out pretty. Give the conversation the time and dignity it deserves.
Don’t all of a sudden be a jerk because you’re ending the friendship. That may in fact make it easier for you to call it quits, but it’s not necessary and if everyone is an adult, it won’t make it any easier to see them in public later on, if you’re being mean about it today.
If for no other reason, remember this person probably knows a ton of secrets about you, the last thing you want is Angry Angela running around town spreading your biz like Nutella because you were mean to her. Have tact and end it on good terms if you can.
Don’t Make It About Them
This is difficult because as humans it’s so natural for us to place blame on everyone else, right? Well wanting to end your friendship, seemingly out of the blue is about you and how you’re feeling. Not them. Keep that in mind when delivering the news-it’ll make it easier for you to say it and for them to hear it.
Saying things like, “I’ve changed and I think it’s best if we spend some time apart”, or “I know I’ve been differently lately and I want you to know it’s not your fault”. I’ve always liked putting the blame on myself for these types of conversations. You can’t be wrong in how you feel but it’s not really debatable if you know you’re done. Making it about you is about how you’re feeling in the friendship, not them.
When Do You Know It’s Time To End A Friendship?
When It’s Unhealthy
If you’re trying to be and do better in your life and your friend just isn’t there yet, it’s ok to take a pause so that you can grow. No one said you have to be tied to an anchor for life out of a false sense of loyalty. You owe it to your destiny to be the best version of yourself and if a toxic friendship is in the way of that, it’s time to move on.
Keep in mind, that a friend that is jealous of you, competitive with you, or wants your life-is not normal or healthy. You should be particularly careful when “being friends” with people like this. I once had a friend that loved to put me down, never took good pictures of me, and always had a snide comment to say to me. It took me years to realize that she wasn’t a friend to me at all-despite the fact that I was doing my best to be her friend.
You want to keep in mind how your friend makes you feel. If you feel less than, or not good enough, or hate the way they talk to you or they only want to hang out if they benefit from it, this isn’t a friend. It’s also not healthy for you to be around people that treat you like that.
If You Can’t Be Nice To Your Friend, Then It May Be Time To End It. *No one was hurt during the taking of this picture.
When You’ve Grown Apart
Growing apart is a natural thing in life, especially if you’ve known a person for a long time. It’s natural that you’ll move through life and take on different interests. I don’t think it’s always necessary to end these types of friendships, mostly because life will get in the way for you, without you having to do or say anything. I think these types of friendships are always nice to return to when you can. Who doesn’t like reminiscing?
Just keep in mind that this isn’t necessarily anyone’s fault and to place blame here can make the situation more dramatic than it needs to be. The phone, and airplanes all work both ways. So don’t place blame if you’re not actively trying to solve the problem. Perhaps you and your friend just need some distance and not an end to your friendship. Only you can answer this.
IF you are calling, trying to visit and making the effort and it’s falling on deaf ears, then perhaps you need to realize that maybe your friend has moved on and is ready to end that friendship. Ask. There’s not need in not discussing something because you’re afraid of the answer.
When You’re Not Good For Them
No one wants to admit they’re the problem. But maybe you’re not being a good friend to them. It takes a lot to admit that. It hurts. But sometimes, the biggest gift you can give to someone is to leave them alone and let them exist without you. Especially if you are only bringing them down and preventing them from living and being their best version of them selves.
A long time ago, someone did this for me and it was life changing. I never would’ve ended our friendship, but it needed to end. I am still grateful that this person had the where-with-all to do what I couldn’t or wouldn’t do; even more grateful to them for seeing that it needed to be done. Literally, my life would be completely different today if he didn’t end our friendship.
Ending a friendship is never an easy thing to do. Knowing when to end one is probably harder. As someone who has lost friends for all types of reasons, I can tell you that in the long run, I’ve always been better off if it was time to end a friendship. You can do it.
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