Once I got married, many of my single friends and associates began to ask my advice on dating. One of my friends even told me that because I was married, my advice was more valuable than her single friends advice.
My dating advice as a married woman? Have “you” in order, before you want to share your life with someone else. Emotionally, financially, spiritually, and physically. It’s not the popular or sexy answer, but it’s true. Get your house in order (so to speak). You can’t be there for someone else the way a relationship will demand, if your stuff is all messed up. Also, if you are asking for these things of another person, you better be willing to give them too.
Mr. and Mrs. Sharma.
So what if you’ve done the work that you need to do and still have questions on how to get the perfect person for you? Read on, love:
When I was single, I loved myself. That meant that I wouldn’t allow someone to treat me badly just so I could say I was in a relationship. I would’ve preferred to be by myself then with someone that I felt I was settling for. If you don’t make you a priority, and love yourself enough to not put up with poor treatment from others, then you can’t expect them to respect you.
You owe it to yourself to complete this very important work and learn how to love yourself. You cannot give love to anyone else if you first cannot give it to yourself.
My Only Solo Vacation. No One Else Wanted To Go With Me So I Went By Myself.
Know What You Can & Can’t Live With
My parents have been married for 47 years. This was my mom’s advice to me when I was single and I now give it to you. People are not perfect. Sure, you can find the perfect person for you, but know they are still not perfect. You have to learn what you can and can’t live with.
Once you know what your boundaries are, you’ll be better at recognizing them in people when they present themselves and you’ll know sooner who is an ideal match for you. Treatment was and is very important to me, so I spotted it quickly in people. I paid attention to how they treated their friends, strangers, and co-workers. If I was the only person they were nice to, that was an issue (for me).
I dated when I was single. I joke that I went on a million first dates, don’t worry one day I’ll write a book about them. For me, because I knew what I didn’t want, it made it that much easier to find what I did want. So I dated, and with every horrible first date, I was that much closer to finding that great first date. Eventually I did, and I never had another first date again 🙂
Keep an open mind on the date, but don’t scare anyone off by coming on too strong too soon. Have fun! Get to know this person and see if you enjoy spending time with them. Your only focus on the date is to have fun and get to know them. That’s it. Some people ruin any chance of an actual connection because they come on way too heavy on the first date. Relax. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
I grew up with all boys and when they were single and dating, it was the one thing they all complained about. Going on a date with someone whose desperation you could smell. There’s a sexiness and appeal that people give off when they are just relaxed, having fun and confidently being themselves. That’s the energy you want to tap into on your dates.
A Trip To Colombia A Few Months Before We Got Engaged.
Know Your Flaws
We know there aren’t any perfect people-that includes you and me 🙂 Being aware of your own flaws, will better help you find people who can tolerate them. I ask a million questions (always have, and I probably always will-I don’t think it’s a “flaw”, but I know that not everyone is a fan). People who are impatient and don’t like to be asked questions were never a good match for me because my questions will inevitably annoy them. But I am who I am.
Rather than changing who I am (I will never do that for the benefit of another human, and would never suggest you to do it either-furthermore, anyone that asks you to change for them….RUN!), I found someone that loved that about me and found a way to use it to engage my curious mind. Instead of not answering me or being mad that I’m asking questions, he directs it to conversation and we discuss all of the crazy things floating around in my brain. Crisis adverted and my perfect match found.
I live in NYC. Back in my day when I was dating, I knew that I had to be willing to get out there. I diversified my approach as much as I could. I was open to being set up, on-line dating, meeting people in person, you name it. Because I wanted to be in a relationship- to be clear I wasn’t seeking marriage, that sort of just happened because I truly met an amazing human being that I couldn’t imagine living without, I was seeking companionship.
I put myself in situations to find what I was looking for. That included online dating. I eventually met my husband on Tinder and the rest is history. Yes….Tinder.
Fact: Most of the modern day married people I know met their spouse online. I know an OK Cupid couple, a Match.com couple, and a few Tinder couples. I know one couple that met at a previous job, and two couples that met the traditional way in person. The way you meet them doesn’t really matter as much as how they treat you from that first moment of meeting you.
Find Your Best Pic and Create Your Profile!
Ask For What You Want
I prayed for my husband. If you’re not spiritual or religious, then meditate and ask the universe for what you want. Just like anything else that you ask for, you put a positive mental energy behind it. You want a job? You work for it and dream of it. Want a new outfit, you visualize yourself wearing it. Getting a partner is no different. Ask for what you want and be specific-you just may get it.
These tips helped me. I am not an expert. I’m a former single woman who went on a million first dates and sometimes give my single friends advice. Sometimes they take it and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes it even works. I’ve been married for a year and a half and with my husband for 5 years total. xoxo.
What dating advice do you have for singles? Comment below or comment on the gram @tiesidesandscoops.