Molly’s story taught me something in three seasons that took me 21 years to learn. You can reinvent your love life. You can start over, with new goals and new boundaries. You don’t have to keep following the same old habits, especially if they don’t serve you. You’re allowed to start over. There is nothing wrong or shameful with that. And it may be incredibly necessary! Molly knew she wanted more from her relationships. She knew she was disappointed in the men she was dating. But she did nothing to change her dating habits. It wasn’t until she sat down with a therapist and organized her feelings did she start to reevaluate her life. With this reorganizing, came the birth of the iconic mantra, “Know better, do better.” And thus, Molly’s love life was reborn.
Find Your Noes
Finding out what you’re not comfortable with can be a great place to start. It helps you create boundaries and lines you cannot cross. Your boundaries are there to protect you. They keep you from texting back that girl that left you on read for three days. They protect you from that guy you just met who’s admiration turned into obsession real quick. Noes are powerful. They keep out negative energy and keep you from running into the arms of someone really dangerous. Don’t be afraid to say no. No is a complete and full sentence.
Let’s take Molly for example. At the beginning of season 2 of Insecure, Molly found out she cannot hoe. She cannot run around the LA speed dating every man who is remotely interested in her. While she’s trying to maximize her chances at finding love, she choosing quantity over quality. She’s just getting her heart broken even faster. If you can’t take constant disappointment from multiple guys, then speed dating isn’t for you. Molly wants marriage. She wants intimacy. She wants familiarity. Those things take time because they need time to build trust. She should take her time with someone she thinks could be worthy of her time. She needs to spend some time on someone who could be her husband.
When compiling your own noes, keep in mind that you should only say yes to what you are comfortable with. If you aren’t comfortable with something, regardless of what society/your mama/your pastor said. This is about you. Make it about you.
Then Find your Yeses
Be generous with your yeses. Say yes to love, kindness, passion. Say yes to intimacy. Say yes to fun and hilarity. You deserve these things. But keep in mind your noes. If you are monogamous, say yes to commitment and undivided attention. If not then say yes to flexibility and trust. But do not be like Molly get involved with someone in an open marriage without out knowing where your feelings or your boundaries are at. Say yes to your own limitations. Say yes to your boundaries being respected. If your current partner/lover/situationship can’t respect it, then say yes to finding someone who can.
Your yeses should include your goals for yourself. You should think about if you want marriage, if you want kids, or if you want neither. Do you want extravagance or simplicity? Do you want wild adventures or comfortable bliss? These are things you have to think about before you get into a relationship. You can’t expect your partner to make these decisions for you. The sooner you figure out what you’re comfortable, the sooner you’ll find comfort. This doesn’t mean don’t compromise, but you shouldn’t make yourself miserable for someone else either.
Stand Your Ground
“Know better, do better,” is a great mantra to have. Once Molly cleared her head and focused on what she wanted, there was not a man on Earth that could make her change. She knew she should separate her feelings from a man she could never marry, so why waste time on him? He’s a fuckbuddy, nothing more. Bloop! Molly hates speed dating so she stopped doing it. Blop! That’s it. It’s so simple. This is self-love. Loving yourself enough to keep yourself from pain is important. No one else is gonna look out for you the way you can. So don’t neglect yourself. You can’t hide from your truth. Once you have your Yeses and your Noes in order, you cannot ignore them. Self-love may very well be the only thing standing between you and self-sabotage.
Thank you so much for reading you guys. Like this post if you’d like to hear more from me and comment who your favorite Insecure character is and why. I’d love to hear from you! Know anyone else who loves Insecure? Feel free to share this post, the more the merrier. We’ll have more articles like this so feel free to follow us on Insta @tiesidesandscoops. See you soon!